It has been a hard read as I could put myself in the protagonist’s shoes, and his feelings overwhelmed me. It also didn’t help that I usually read this book when I feel under the weather. The mood just felt right, reading about a sick person while being sick myself.
Letter
I resonated a lot with the thinking of Raskolnikov when he received his mother’s letter.
A long time ago, I was a recent graduate and looking for jobs. I felt worthless, annoyed and angry when someone tried to help me without me asking for help. They set me up with some interviews without even asking me first. I had walked into interviews without knowing anything about the job or even why I was there. Looking back, I’m pretty sure I deliberately or subconsciously sabotaged those interviews.
I don’t think you can help a person who doesn’t want to be helped.
After the Murder
His mental state deteriorated before and after committing the murder. He felt guilty, disgusted by himself. The self loathing made it impossible to accept help from others.